A contemporary philosopher once said that one of our greatest weaknesses as a people would be ingratitude. In the week in which we celebrate Thanksgiving, it is appropriate to contemplate all that we have been given. All of us have had successes, failures, defeats, and victories, all of which afford us the opportunity to learn, grown, and improve our life’s experience.
As we reflect on these gifts and experiences, I’d like to focus on different ways we experience gratitude: inadvertent gratitude and deliberate gratitude. Inadvertent gratitude comes to us as a reaction to experiences that cause us to stop and think and recognize what we perhaps didn’t notice before. Deliberate gratitude is produced when we stop or slow down long enough to think, contemplate, and recognize the experiences of the past, the blessing of the present, and the opportunities of the future.
Inadvertent Gratitude
Years ago, I had the opportunity to travel to an out-of-the-way location to present three one-day company sponsored events. I arrived the night before the event tired, hungry, and not in the best of spirits. What further dampened my spirits was the rather run down, dilapidated facilities where I was to teach and stay.
The conference was to be held in a large hall that could easily seat two hundred people. There were a couple of rooms in the back of the conference center that were designated as our accommodations. The rooms were cluttered with old, dust-covered antiques and broken down furniture. I rolled up in mildew smelling blankets and went to sleep.
The next morning I met our hostess for the week, Miss Sally, a 72 year old, slightly bent-over, white-haired lady. She directed the cooks, servers, and greeters with precision and exactness as they waited on and attended to our every need. I think she could feel that I was less than enamored with the facilities and location. Consequently, she went out of her way to befriend me. She spent a lot of time over the next several days asking questions about me and sharing a lot about her life.
Miss Sally was a flight attendant for a number of years. She pioneered the idea of in-flight meals and formed a company to produce those meals for the airline where she worked. She once had her own television show on Southern cooking and had received a television excellence award for exceptional broadcasting. Because her conference center was adjacent to Fort Hood, she had come to know and serve every general in the free world. She had pictures of herself in her office with Colin Powell and Norman Schwarzkopf. She had also received three United Nations Peace Awards. One of the evenings I was there, she received and fed 18 generals from the Netherlands. Miss Sally had written and published 18 books, ram a catering company that fed film crews on location, and was the mother of a severely handicapped boy whom she cared for until his death at age 18. All these experiences provided her with wisdom which she graciously shared with me during that week.
Miss Sally taught me that we certainly cannot judge a book by its cover. My experience with her made me grateful for her life and the time I had with her learning some things about myself. This experience, this inadvertent and unexpected series of events, produced in me a great feeling of gratitude.
Deliberate Gratitude
When traveling during the month of November, I have often gotten out of my seat during a flight, taken a pad of paper, and walked down the aisle of the plane asking people what they are grateful for. Some people will ask me what I am doing or look at me as if I were crazy. I usually tell them that I am taking a survey for a blog or an article. Generally I don’t have anything specific I am writing about, but I do this to change the feeling among the travelers on the plane.
I have found that getting people to talk about what is important to them warms people toward each other and creates a sense of gratitude among the listeners. I have heard some fascinating stories over the years: soldiers whose lives were saved or who had saved others in Iraq and Afghanistan, people who overcame cancer, or met the love of their live. I often hear things like, “I am grateful for my job, for food, for our country, for friends, or for my health.” But most often, people share with me that they are grateful for their families—for those they love and are closest to.
I hope this holiday season you will take some time to deliberately reflect on your life and truly experience gratitude. That you will take some quiet time to consider and contemplate all that you have and love. By doing so, you will cultivate an attitude and feeling that will positively affect people around you. Not the least of which will be yourself.
