Finally, it’s about that time of the year when we slow down, give a sigh of relief, and become more aware of where we are at the moment. You can look back at the year and see where you have been and where you seem to be headed, with the goal of determining whether the path you are on will take you where you want to go. It is not often that we stop and look at ourselves to assess the value of our activity in light of what we claim is most important.
I had an opportunity to do this very thing this summer when I attended a celebration of Stephen R. Covey’s life after he passed away. Before a huge audience, all of his nine children took the stand and, in turn, shared some of their favorite memories of their father. What impressed me most was that each child described the legacy that their father had intentionally created.
When we talk about improving an individual’s ability to communicate more effectively, we always note that implementing specific principles and skills requires deliberate action—one is required to use one’s knowledge and skills to create a desired result. Living life to the fullest also requires that we take deliberate action to create the outcomes we desire.
When Dr. Covey graduated from Harvard Business School, his brother John asked him what he wanted to accomplish. He replied, “Unleash human potential!” Throughout the rest of his life, all of Dr. Covey’s speaking, teaching, and writing was focused on doing just that. But it significant to note that his vision for the individual was deliberately carried over and exemplified in his relationships with his friends and family.
As his children shared anecdotes about his life, one son said, “As good as Dad was in public, he was even better in private.” Each of his children indicated that their father always made time to be with them one-on-one, even if it meant participating in activities with them that he didn’t particularly enjoy. The child was his focus in these shared experiences, not the activity they were doing.
Another son shared that their Dad was positively affirming to everyone. He told of a time when he was playing quarterback on the high school football team. The team was beaten badly, and he himself had not played particularly well. After the game, Dr. Covey told his son, “Son, you played with great effort and determination. You did a great job!”
The son replied, “But Dad, we lost!”
“Yes, that is something that really needs your attention,” was all the comment the wise father offered.
Still another child indicated that Dr. Covey liked to embarrass his children by being humorous and funny. For example, because one of his favorite movies was Greystoke, he would often run around the house, bent over so his hands dragged on the floor and vocalizing Hollywood’s best rendition of Tarzan the Ape Man. Or, when no one was looking, he would slip in a set of fake, yellowed buck teeth and then strike up a conversation with a stranger. One time the family was walking somewhere together, and they passed a hard-looking group of black-leather clad motorcycle riders. Dr. Covey called out to the bikers, “How’s it going, girls?”—much to the chagrin of his family.
Clearly Dr. Covey made a deliberate effort to be positively affirming, both personally and publicly, and to create specific memories for the people around him.
Given how busy you are, and how much time you spend working, you might ask yourself, “Am I creating and living a legacy?” It doesn’t necessarily matter whether that legacy is at home or at work, but it is important that you know what you want to create and are taking action to make it a reality.
How Do I Create a Legacy?
Here are a few common-sense steps that will help you create your legacy.
• Clarify Your Vision. Get clear about what you want to create. You might ask yourself a few questions like these to help you with the process:
What do I want to be known for?
What would bring me the greatest joy or satisfaction?
How could I make a difference in the lives of others?
• Devise a Plan. Once you are clear about what you want to create, develop a specific plan to create your vision. Brainstorm different activities or behaviors you need to adopt in order to create your vision. Experiment with your ideas and find out what works best for you. Here are some questions you can use to focus your plan:
What could I do?
What specific steps will I take?
How will I know this is working?
Clearly identify the specific people who will be involved in your plan, and the steps you will take: choose what you will do, with whom, and by when, and write it down.
• Take Action. Don’t get so caught up with planning that you never get around to doing anything! Begin with the very first step you planned, and continue moving forward. As you implement your plan, you should take stock occasionally and ask yourself:
What am I doing?
Does my action reflect my specific plan?
Take a careful look at what you are doing and whether it feels like you are on the right path. You can make course corrections along the way, modify your original plan of action, or perhaps even widen the scope of your plan if you feel like you underestimated your potential at the beginning.
• Measure Your Results. It is a waste of time to clarify your legacy, develop plans, and put plans into action if you not going to pay specific attention to the results you are getting from all this effort! Besides, you always get what you measure. Periodically, you should deliberately and intentionally assess the effectiveness of your results. Increase your awareness of the quality of your results by asking:
What do the results I want look like?
How am I feeling about my results?
Am I getting the results that I want?
Let me share one example of how I have tried to create a legacy in a personal area of my own life. When my children were small, it was (and still is) extremely important to me to have a strong connection with each of them—I want them to know that I love them. I also feel a great obligation to help them learn good principles so they can make good choices. Neither of these things happens automatically, so it was clear that I had to take steps to make them happen deliberately.
I discovered that the easiest time for me to connect with my very young children was at bedtime. I would go into their room, lay down on one of their beds, and tell them stories in the dark. I always allowed them to pick an animal that was facing a particular challenge, and then I would make up a story with using that central character and situation, always ending the story with a moral. (They especially loved to hear about Robbie the naughty raccoon, who would never listen, or Leo the lion, who was born without any claws and wondered how he would ever feed himself.)
As for results, these stories became so popular with my children that they asked me to record them so they could listen to them whenever they wanted. Even after all these years, when I tell stories to my younger children, the teenagers still come in and lay on the floor to listen. Of course it’s still too soon to get a final measure on the ultimate results of my plan, but so far it feels like we are on the right track.
Being deliberate about the mark you want to leave on this world will help you create and live your own legacy. And now is the perfect time of year to be more sensitive, to think and speak about what matters most, to give a little more of yourself, and to find joy in the journey.
As Dr. Covey so clearly understood, what you leave for others will truly be the measure of your life—your legacy.
Happy Holidays to everyone!
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